One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
