I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
