I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
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I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
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Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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