So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
she pinky promised me she was 18
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
