im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
