the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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