no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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