Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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