hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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