this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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