Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
found the other keg... it's in the tree
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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