I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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