i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
