i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
