you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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