Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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