so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
