I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
