GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
