Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
