Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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