Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
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he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
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what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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