she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
