jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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