You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
