WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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