the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize