I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
