she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
