OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
