So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
