he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize