He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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