She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
