Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
