what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
