it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
