there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
