im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
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