a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
