So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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