i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
