They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
