Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
