he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
