I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
