I think I am morally bankrupt
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
