Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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