This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
