id be glad to
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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