Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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