My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize