i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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