just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Come see our sink grown plant.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
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we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
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Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize