my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
