Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
