if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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