Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
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She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
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Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
soo... how was my night?
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