i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
